The Way Up is Down!!

I was reading back in my journal the other day, the summer of 2003. I was writing on how much I wanted to be close to God that (and i quote) 'If i have to go to the depths of darkness to experience more of you then let it be'

What???!!!!!!!!! What was I thinking by writing that??? Surely I must have been under the anointing of God, somewhat unaware of how serious those words are; or probably I was just being melodramatic and thought the words sounded good on paper. In the wonderful life I had little did i know that i would experience darkness, but indeed I have. God has used this darkness, these bitter experiences to humble me. Through them I have experienced His grace and mercy in a new light. I know God now more than I did when life was good. I have his wounds, his scars, I somewhat now understand the burden of the cross he bore. I realize my nothingness, my own worthlessness. And as Isaiah said in Isaiah 64:6 '...our righteousness are as filthy rags...'. May I be made weak so that God makes me perfect in His own strength, may I be humble so that He may exalt me, may I be made lower so that He can be higher.

The truth is, the darkness only serves to make the light that much brighter. May I find my voice in the glorious light of His presence even in the midst of darkness.

Shalom

Worship: A Call for the Passionate

I have always been fascinated with the story of Jacob and Esau. The word of God says in Malachi 1:2-3 '...was not Esau Jacob's brother? Yet the Lord said I have loved Jacob, but hated Esau....' Why do you think that was? Jacob was shrewd and unscrupulous, he deceived his father for the blessing, he obtained the birthrite from Esau selling him out for a bowl of soup, he obviously never got the worse of a bargain as even in the case of Laban (his father in law) he gained much fortune at Laban's expense (Gen 30: 36-43). Esau on the other hand was a good guy, very manly and strong. He was the favourite of his father, and never did anything bad. Yet God loved Jacob and hated Esau. Why? The answer is this; Jacob appreciated what God had to give while Esau was indifferent. To be indifferent is to show no care or concern in attitude or action, to have a lack of interest and in Hebrews 12:15-17 such an attitude is likened to the sexually immoral '...See to it that no one is sexually immoral, or is godless like Esau, who for a single meal sold his inheritance rights as the oldest son. Afterward, as you know, when he wanted to inherit this blessing, he was rejected. He could bring about no change of mind, though he sought the blessing with tears.'

Jacob wrestled with an Angel of God. Genesis 22:24-28 '...I will not let you go unless you bless me...' Jacob was unreserved and determined in seeking God, and getting from God His best. He loved God wholeheartedly and passionately, to the point of being shrewd enough in getting something that was never intended for him.

During the past week, God has been speaking to me ever so clearly about being lukewarm as Christians. To be neither hot nor cold, but to be a little bit of both. To be indifferent, much like Esau whom God hated! It's scary to think that a good majority of Christians in today’s society have become lukewarm and indifferent, and I am guilty in being one of such. Lukewarmness to me speaks of a Christian who easily compromises his values to accommodate the world’s values, who gives God just enough to still be good, just enough to make it into heaven. Someone who is comfortable and complacent in just being good enough. But God says in Rev 3: 16 'So, because you are lukewarm-neither hot nor cold-I am about to spit you out of my mouth.' Wow!!!! This doesn't sound like a good thing to me, what do you think? I know I don't really want God to spit me out of His mouth.

The thing is, there is so much more that God wants to give us, so much that he has in store for us, that if we only give him our all, and seek after him, just like Jacob- passionately and without giving up even if if it means walking with a permanent limp after. Why do we choose to settle for little when we could have it all – the birthrite, the blessing, the descendants and the nations? Christians!!! Settle for nothing less than God's best! He has called us into a relationship with him where we cannot be lukewarm, He himself says that we need to be hot, to be passionate, to be fervent; for anything less He is disgusted with!! To the point where He will spit us out of His mouth. I can then make this link, that to truly worship God requires this total surrender of ourselves.

The web defines worship as 'to regard with ardent or adoring esteem or devotion, to have or express feelings of profound adoration'. To worship surpasses giving praise or thanksgiving. It is not the singing of hymns or spiritual songs. It is the attitude we have when we come before Him. Worship is when we past the gates of thanksgiving and the courts of praise and enter in the most holy place. In the Old Covenant, only the priest entered into the Most Holy Place. But now, through the death of our Lord Jesus Christ, the curtain has been torn and we can enter into the manifest presence of God in an attitude of worship. What is this attitude of worship? It is to come humbly, to bend your head low, or to bend upper body forward and stretch out our hands, it is to prostrate oneself before a Holy God. It is a heart bowed low in the presence of God, a heart totally surrendered, uninhibited and on fire for the King of Kings.

It takes this sort of relationship with God for us to worship. It saddens my heart to see our young people during sessions of praise and worship, who can only clap their hands and sing, but who hesitate to lift their hands, bow down and worship their King. Where is the relationship? As a worship leader my heart cries out to God for His people to know him intimately, more than you know your mom, dad, or husband, the intimacy he calls us to surpasses that. I think if Esau realized the blessing he had and the God he served, a bowl of soup would not be that appealing even in extreme hunger. My encouragement is for you to pursue more of God for He promises in Proverbs 8:17 'I love them that love me; and those that seek me early shall find me.' If you don't have that passion burning in your heart and that love relationship, I don't think you have truly found all of Him, for all of Him will leave you prostrate in worship before the living God.

A team building thing

It's funny how God provides avenues for you to express yourself, even when these avenues require an expression you never knew you needed to express. On two occasions within the month of September I have trained with New Generation Ministries in Team Building and Challenge Course Facilitating. New Generation Ministries is a full time ministry that has exciting and adventurous Christian summer camps every year for kids between the ages of 8-17. They also have a challenge course and a group of team building facilitators that takes corporate and school groups through activities that will build leadership and team building skills. Whether it is climbing high walls, or jumping ropes, or swinging through a row of tire swings, New Generation has a bunch of exhilarating group activities.

I went to two schools in September, St. Andrew High School (my alma mata) and Campion College. Gosh! It is so thrilling to work with young people, to take them through various challenges and see how they work through it together. How they analyze situations, and give their different viewpoints. It has been challenging when they are disagreements or disgruntlement's within this group, but I find it a good challenge to be able to manage that, being able to pull from within myself and solve a situation, to reason out a feeling with a group , and to get people to express their feelings, positive or negative. I am looking forward to growing with New Generation, and to continue to have this opportunity to develop and train various groups. What a marvelous avenue to express my leadership, my ability to work with people, my ability to gain their confidence in me as a leader/facilitator, and to have a blast doing it!!

Christian Apologetics

Why do you believe what you believe? Gosh!!! this class is great!

So we're doing this class, and we all had to write a paper saying why we believe. It was so fantastic having to pull my brain, and really think deeply about this. I realize that all this time my reasons for believing is because 'Jesus loves me and the bible tells me so', nothing more nothing less. Goodness!!! I was so naive and ignorant. I encourage you all to think a little deeper.

here is a snidbit on the final paper that i did for this class:

My first reason is that the Bible is full of fulfilled prophecies, making it the only book that has prophecies that have been fulfilled, and have more to come. But although the bible has 66 books all written by different people at different times, it comes together to form one book that flows. Jesus was prophesied about in the psalms and in genesis, which were both written well before the new testament where the prophecy was fulfilled. The author of the Bible is truly divine, explaining why there is such historical, prophetic and doctrinal congruency.

What I love about Christianity is that it is relational. It is not a set of laws to follow, but it is more importantly a loving relationship that you have with a great big God, who loves you unconditionally. Jesus coming to earth is a historical fact. It is factual that He died, and He was seen again after; that He spoke the words that He did. And I would be foolish not to believe Him, when such a sign, and such a man has never walked this earth before. Any other world religion works out their salvation through works, but my salvation with Christ is received by HIs grace and mercy, not of works so that no man can boast. This salvation is a gift from God, and not something that we have earned by our deeds or actions. Would not we all want to believe in a God who does not care what you've been or what you've done, but who loves you despite all. And though undeserving He gives limitlessly.

it continues....but didn't want to kill you with information :-)

Broken Cisterns

"My people have committed two sins: They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water." Jer. 2: 13 My brother once mentioned this scripture to me. He spoke of how we look for other gods, for other things to give us pleasure, to comfort us; for people to love us, for men to praise us, for money to fill us with pride, for physical relationships to give us pleasure, the list goes on. I won't lie to you, I have placed other things before God, tangible things that I thought would bring me pleasure or happiness. But every single time, without fail I end up empty, I end up bitter; as if i ate something that was sweet at first, but had a bad after taste. Friends tell me, Why do we continually dig our own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water??? Again and again, we turn away from the LIVING WATER!! But now I drink of it, i'm swimming in it, i'm dancing it; and i've thrown away my empty and broken cisterns. I have nothing to loose, for He promises so much to those who delight in Him. 'Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers. But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers.' Psalm 1: 1-3

So I had one of those panic episodes today. Where I become engrossed in worry and pessimistic thoughts of the future. what am I gonna do? i need a job? no offence God, but I can't earn money worshipping! not in Jamaica at least. what is it that you want me to do? why can't the path i'm walking on be any clearer? Lord, I know the path to follow you will be narrow and dark, but where is the light you promised to show me the way? big sigh

I think I am walking through a very very dark corner in my life. Dark because of bitter circumstances, dark because of uncertainty in purpose and future. But I believe Darkness is necessary. It is in darkness that God created, in Darkness God's light is that much brighter, in darkness God teaches, God roots down and builds up. In this darkness I have found God to be more real to me than in any lighter and easier times in my life. And having been in darkness, I will appreciate the light that much more. Forgive me Lord for ever doubting you, for ever being anxious or worrying pointlessly.

'I have chosen you and have not rejected you. So do not fear; for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God, I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.' Isa. 41: 3

The Biggest Looser!

Over the past 2 to 3 weeks i've been watching the biggest looser on nbc, and what sparks my interest about it, is how it relates to our Christian walk. The Biggest Looser (the individual who wins the prize) makes a decision to persevere and endure, to not giving up no matter how annoying Jillian is (ha, ha), to make an unconditional, unreserved, no way i'm turning back, resolute decision to win!!!

I often know of people who stuggle in their christian faith, but it is my belief that, just as a biggest looser contestant will fail without determination, so will we as christians. I think a big requirement of being a christian, is to make that unreserved, no matter what, kind of decision...that whenever any thing opposes us, we stand.

Worship on February 22

I had the opportunity to sit in the gym this morning and worship amongst the congregation. I thoroughly enjoyed it, Ty Maier led and he did so well! I also sat in on calvary chapel's worship that morning and I couldn't help but notice a difference; and I'm not referring to a difference in professionalism or musicianship, but a difference in the genre's or selection of music that was played and the different feelings that was evoked in me. The gym's selection was good. Hosanna (Paul Baloche), Jesus Blood and This is our God - all great songs! Pastor Clay's gospel selections of Holy, Holy, Holy and Hosanna (by Kirk Franklin) had me dancing and singing along, and I yearned for more. I realized then how much I miss gospel, how much I miss the choruses we sing back home and the lady with her tambourine, and the people dancing at the back and everybody rocking, bouncing or swaying....or doing some unique movement. And I realize in my life I need a good mixture of both gospel, reggae and alternative, for one without the other leaves me imbalanced and not fully satisfied. One of the things i'm looking forward to when going back home is the opportunity to combine both genres to appeal to a jamaican congregation. How do I take all the hillsongs, charlie hall's, chris tomlin's and jamaicanize them? How do I combine both completely different genres and make them appealing to a jamaican (reggae lovers) congregation? Exciting times are ahead.

Beach Day

Our surprise beach day was perfect! And as I sat on the wave beaten sand i contemplated upon David's writings in Psalm 139: 'How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you.' And as I looked out at the ocean, so intimidating and forceful that i'd dare not go in; i thought to myself - What a wonderful wondeful God!